New Years Resolutions Suck

It's New Year's Eve. The boys at Kiss Me Suzy have posted an itinerary for the night that pretty much parallels mine:

"I'll drink a nice toast to the awesome power of my penis, have a Lindt truffle, offer sex to the Mrs., fail, and then call it a night."

Seeing as my day tomorrow will probably be spent moving (with a brief stop to watch Michigan crush the University of Spoiled Children), I'd better get those pesky New Year's Resolutions out of the way now.

This is a fruitless exercise for most. It's like giving up shit for Lent - you usually pick something that either (a) you won't miss at all over the next 40 days, or (b) is sooo hard to give up you break your vow before the week is out. And then you feel crappy for about 15 minutes. Just long enough to finish that 3 pound box of See's Candy. Nice restraint, Mitch.

But I'm serious this year. It's time to be serious. And since this is a Sports Site, you can guess the theme.

The Angry Rant's New Year's Resolutions:

1. I will hit .600 in 2007 (assuming I get the same number of AB as this year, that's 15 more hits. Easily doable).
2. I will learn to dive for sinking line drives.
3. I will learn to drive to the hospital with a concussion after attempting to dive for a sinking line drive.
4. I will run for more than 4 minutes without my back spasming so bad I can barely walk back to the gym (maybe it is the shoes).
5. I will pleasure my wife whenever she askes me to (that's a SPORT, baby!).
6. I will lose 11 pounds in 2007 (see #5).
7. I will swim 450m in under 7 minutes. (shitty competitive swimming time, GREAT Navy time).
8. I will broaden my subject matter to other sports-related topics besides the World Champion St. Louis Cardinals.

Stay safe, and Happy New Year.

"...and no man is worth more than $12.50."

That's a fraction of a quote I attribute to the late Dan Quisenberry - one of the more cerebral pitchers of recent times (see quotes at the bottom of the link). More on that later.

My wife bought me a new DeMarini F3 for Christmas - nnniiiiiccccccceeeeeeeee. I'll be terrorizing slo pitch leagues in 2007 with that monster. If you want a lightly used, well-loved 2004 F2 let me know. It can be had for the price is right.

Suppan is on the Brewers - 4 years, $42 Mil. Good for him. But I thought he was holding out to see what Zito got? Didn't I read that in the Post-Dispatch earlier this month?

You think he wishes he'd held out now? $10.5M a year is great, but it's not $18M.

$18 MILLION DOLLARS!
Yes, Barry Zito has reportedly signed with the SF Giants for 7 years, $126M. That's $18M PER YEAR. It's the richest contract ever given a pitcher.

Let's break it down, shall we?

Zito's averaged 35 starts and 223 innings a season since 2001. Let's assume that for 2007 he meets those averages. Let's further assume he throws 100 pitches per outing (why? because I'm lazy and it makes the math easy, that's why).

That's $514,285.71 per start.
That's $80,717.49 per inning.
That's $5,142.86 per pitch.

If he throws eight innings, then goes on the DL for the rest of the year with a blown up elbow, then has his contract voided, he will still make more money than I will see the next decade. Listen to your Little League Coaches, kids.

Good for him, right?

Of course, where do you suppose all this scratch will come from? TV, right? TV pays the major sports leagues exorbitant fees based on what they think they can sell advertising time for. Advertisers buy space to push products so Blue Collar Joe will buy them. Oh, I guess I'm paying his salary.

Ticket prices? We pay for tickets.

Concessions? We pay for hot dogs and beer.

Parking? Duh.

Hence the title of this post. No one is worth $18M, least of all a curveball pitcher who's been barely over .500 3 of the last 4 seasons. You'd think the Giants would have enough declining curveballers with Matty Mo on the roster.

I hope Zito enjoys spending my money. Maybe he'll let me stop by and say hello to it every now and then.

The Empty Stocking

Today I want to tell you the story of an empty stocking.

Once upon a midnight clear, there was a child's cry. A blazing star hung over a stable and wise men came with birthday gifts. We haven't forgotten that night down the centuries; we celebrate it with stars on Christmas trees, the sound of bells and gifts.

But especially with gifts.

You give me a book; I give you a tie. Aunt Martha has always wanted an orange squeezer, and Uncle Henry could do with a new pipe. We forget nobody, adult or child. All the stockings are filled...

all, that is, except one. And we have even forgotten to hang it up.

The stocking for the Child born in a manger.

It's His birthday we are celebrating. Don't ever let us forget that. Let us ask ourselves what He would wish for most and then let each put in his share: loving kindness, warm hearts and the stretched-out hand of tolerance.

All the shining gifts that make peace on Earth.

- Re-printed w/o permission from the movie "The Bishop's Wife" (1947)

Top 10 Christmas Carols for the disturbed - Part II

To complete the list started on Monday:

5. Dementia: "I think I'll be home for Christmas"
4. Narcissistic: "Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me"
3. Manic: "Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Trees and ...."
2. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: "Jingle Bells Jingle Bells Jingle Bells Jingle Bells Jingle Bells Jingle Bells Jingle Bells Jingle Bells Jingle Bells Jingle Bells Jingle Bells Jingle Bells Jingle Bells..."
1. Paranoid: "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town To Get ME"

Enjoy your weekend. See you Monday.

Turd-day Night Football

Always trying to broaden my horizons, I foray into the NFL world with 5 shopping days left to Christmas. On tonight's menu: Minnesota at Green Bay. Whoop de do.

As tonight's game is on the NFL Network (which has less reach than Jay Behar's intellect) the festivities happen at Oggi's Pizza in Mission Valley. My buddy Trickey signs up for the fun.

- Oggi's is in the same strip mall as IKEA. Those crazy Swedes are having a 50% off sale. Not wanting to be run down like a dog by Birkenstock wearing Latte drinkers, I park on the street and walk. Smooth.

- Happy Hour runs from 3-7pm. Fucking sweet. The Scottish Ale is recommended. It's like Newcastle, but better.

- They serve a Belgian Ale here which is EIGHT PERCENT alcohol (by volume). That, sadly, is off the menu tonight; I gotta drive home.

- BONUS: They're showing BYU-Oregon as well. It's a football bonanza!

- BYU quarterback John Buck lists Ty Detmer as his childhood idol. Let's see....Koy's the guy with the Heismann...no wait Ty is the guy with the neckbeard...no wait...oh the hell with it. Looks like if this guy makes the NFL he's doomed to be an Eagles backup.

- It's so loud in here I can't hear Gumbel or Collinsworth. Somebody up there likes me.

- Rayner field goal. Yeay. 3-0 Pack.

- Ryan Leaf is sighted on the Oregon sideline. Bro Brady plays for the Ducks. Charger fans everywhere bark at their TV with a finger raised.

- Oregon has, by far, the worst uniforms of any team anywhere. A gold helmet with the overstock.com logo on it sits atop a jersey that appears to have been run over by the industrial tread truck. Is this a college football team or a bunch of extras from 'The Running Man'?

- Rayner field goal attempt. That frozen tundra isn't so frozen - it goes all Lucy Van Pelt on Ray. We initially thought Rayner had kicked his holder inadvertantly, which would have been much funnier.

- First quarter stats: Green Bay 11 first downs, Minn 1. How is it 3-0 again?

- Ryan Leaf is in the booth now. Have I mentioned I can't hear the TV? This time I regret it.

- The game is so stimulating the guys around me are looking at pictures of Britney Spears' bare cooch on a laptop. After viewing I punch myself in the face for 5 minutes.

- Rayner field goal attempt. He hit the fucking upright square. Packers should get a bonus point for that. How hard is it to hit the upright and not have the ball deflect in either direction? Still 3-0. We're gonna need more beer.

- Food comes. Pizza bread cut into breadsticks. Excellent. Trickster and I power through these as a welcome diversion to the suckitude on the screen.

- Meanwhile, BYU is Killing Oregon. 17-0 Cougars. I just saw a white receiver school the person of color DB. Who knew Mormons were fast? I mean, one knew they had endurance since they trekked from Ohio to Utah to find a place to live where they wouldn't be shot at. (their womenfolk are insatiable in bed too - uh, from what I've heard). But fast? Wow. That DB was just demoted to the swim team.

- Rayner again from 38. Good. 6-0 Pack at the half.

- Some talking head named Adam Schefter reports Art Shell will be fired after the season. The Raider response to this (A. Schefter is a poopy pants) is more passionate than their play on the field at any time this season.

- Still bored. 6-0 Pack. 31-0 Mormons. Yikes.

- Dude shows up with fiance and her mom. Awkward. They have a drink while waiting for their table. Oh, wait; table's ready. Dude says over his shoulder, 'hey pick up my jacket', and walks away leaving the women there. THIS guy needs to get his ass kicked.

- Jerry Tarkanian is in the booth now with the gang on ESPN. This is turning into Bizarro World. We order another pitcher to try and reset the universe into balance.

- Whoa, some Viking offense: Favre does his 'Sexy Rexy' imitation, heaves it down the field, it's picked off by SMOOT (who else?), who returns it for a touchdown. 7-6 Vikes.

- 31-8 Mormons. Oregon gets a garbage TD with less than 10 min left in the 4th. Aren't you folks glad you stole that game from Oklahoma, allowing you to have a trip to Las Vegas and get embarrassed by a bunch of missionaries?

- Favre marches the boys down the field. On 3rd and 5, he completes a pass to Bubba Franks at the 7. First down. Franks fights for the end zone. He gets there! Too bad he left the ball on the 4. Vikings take over.

- I think the Vikes are going to win this game with only 3 first downs and less than 150 yards of total offense. I don't want to imagine how bad Brad Johnson was that this display is an improvement.

- Another fucktard shows up with girlfriend. There is one open seat at the bar. He sits, she stands. I weep for the future.

-Farve driving again. Screen pass for 20 yards! First and goal at the 4! Wait....Bubba Franks strikes again, this time for holding (good call as replays prove). Rayner to try a 44 yard field goal. GOOD! 9-7 Pack.

- Vikings last ditch effort fails. Favre wins. All is right in the world.

- 38-8 BYU. No one cares.

Odds and Ends

Well we are rapidly winding down on the current year. As such, many people like to tie their yearly loose ends up in a nice tidy package . . . so as to clear some room for the next year's drama. Although I've got at least 3 more posts for this year (I can hear the sound of one hand clapping in anticipation of those 3 brillantly constructed columns), this is the 'tidy up' post.

1. If you're waiting for Part 5 of the 2007 Free Agency Preview, you are a silly, silly man. There's not going to be a final post. I intended to do it on the bench, but Spiezio re-signed early on, Miles re-upped at the deadline for tendering an offer, Taguchi was offered a contract, and they have lots of minor league help to fill out the bench. Hey look, I just did it. And it wasn't my usual 1000 words diatribe.

2. My running salary for the 2007 Cards last stood at $101.6M. I need to add Springer's $1.75M contract, up Miles' number from $750K to a cool million, and subtract my projected Payton $4.5M number. So, after the heavy math, the running salary tab stands at $99.1M. And they are still trying to sign another starting pitcher. Why were you just bored with that? Because my OCD control meds aren't working tonight.

3. 34-16 Colts, 3:48 to play. Only a Cincinnati team could come into Indy, against the 41st best rushing defense in the NFL, and score 1 touchdown. Once a Bungle, always a Bungle. I look forward to tomorrow's police blotter after this loss, which puts a severe dent in their playoff hopes.

4. Big Daddy Drew answered my mail question! That's a brush with greatness as far as I'm concerned, like getting published if you're a serious academic. Then BDD let it slip that he 'only' got 24 questions. He posted (and answered) 20. Well, at least my question wasn't one of the 4 that were incoherent, written by a first grader, or over-used the word paradigm. Losers.

5. I can't believe no one was compelled to comment on my McGwire rant. I thought it was pretty good. I got comments when I disparaged Adrian Beltre, fer Cris' sakes. I guess everyone out there agrees with me. Who Knew?

This blog updates on Mondays and Thursdays, but it's late Monday and Thursday (after work, entertaining the 5-month old, dinner, dishes, laundry, bills, fish maintenance, lawn bowling, lawn darts, batting cage trip, putting child to bed, hot naked monkey sex..... you get the picture), so it actually shows up on Tuesdays and Fridays. Just like Bill Simmons. But I'm 100% random friend cameo free and somewhat funny. So keep coming back, ya hear?

And now, to end on a high note:
Top 10 Christmas Carols For the Disturbed:

10. Schizophrenia - "Do You Hear What I Hear?"
9. Multiple Personality Disorder - "We Three Kings Disoriented Are"
8. Borderline Personality Disorder - "Thoughts Of Roasting On an Open Fire"
7. Personality Disorder - "You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, I Might Tell You Why"
6. Attention Deficit Disorder - "Silent Night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?"

Rest of the list Thursday.

It's the most WONDERFUL time...of the year

Three years ago my sister in StL received an ad from the Danbury Mint for a StL Cardinals ornament. If you are not familiar with the Danbury Mint, check here. These are the folks who sell themed gift items to people whose idea of contemporary decoration is a Team Tiffany Lamp and end table. Anyway, it was a bell. Now, you must understand that at this point in the storied history of my life, I owned exactly one Christmas Tree ornament. One. A tree looks pretty stupid when it has one friggin ornament dangling off it. So I bought it.

As a result, I was inducted onto the 'Danbury Mint Sucker List'. Yes, me, grown up intelligent human being, now lumped together with Mimi the mumu wearing trailer park Mama-san. I get their mailings about once a quarter, and then get a light workout as I throw the brochure right into the round file.

But since my Cardinals won the World Series, I've been swamped - SWAMPED - with offers to sell me crap embossed with a world series logo. And seeing as this is the time for gift giving, I feel obligated to enlighten my public with what's available to get that obsessive Cardinal fan you live with/know/tolerate/beg to shut up about the Cardinals or you'll cleave his head with a tire iron.

So Ho Ho Ho, Here We Go.

1. World Series Glove ($129): If you have a thing for porcelain paper weights, this is for you. Although only 9.25" high, this eyesore will take over your entire cube. One good note - when the 'overly loud cell phone guy' starts screaming the next cube over, you can air-drop this bad boy in and quickly return your workspace to its normal harmonious state. Home plate base is complementary courtesy of your good friends at the 'ol Mint.

2. 22K gold card set ($9.95 each): You say, this looks cool - AP in shimmering gold foil. But you don't know two things: (a) there are 26 cards in this set; (b) AP will be the last card sent. That $260 you wanted to blow betting on Michigan and LSU to win their bowls - gone. Cause that's how they get you. They F**K you at the drive-thru!

3. Cardinal team coin set ($19.95 each, not pictured): Same principle as above, but with pogs, er, coins. Except this will set you back the money you set aside to get that shot for, you know.


More digging on these here internets unearthed even MORE crap for the true fan. If it were socially acceptable, some people would drape themselves in velvet; others will just cordon off an entire room of their house in homage to their favorite team. For these folks, a few more ideas:

4. Budwiser theme room. It's so wrong it must be right:

There's the must-have bar mirror ($99.95),








A way to tote your beer from room to room in chilly comfort ($79.99), and of course,






Official WS beer to take out of the cooler and drink while posing in the mirror. Clothing optional. If no clothing option is selected, must play 'Preening Buffalo Bill' music from Silence of the Lambs.

Finally, we have some straggler gifts:

6. The Ripper.
And you thought Matt Millen was the only marketing genius who came up with this modification to the surfer wallet. I'd buy it if they stitched 'Bad Motherf**ker' on the other side, but, alas, Bud Selig only allows 'Great Hock!' to be used as a curseword on official MLB gear.

7. Charles Darrow's get rich quick memorial. Only flaw to this game: every Monopoly set shall include a battleship piece, and I shall be the battleship. Why? Because it's my game, that's why. Don't make me go all Lamar Thomas on you.

Free Agency update

News and notes from the last 3 days in the baseball world:

- Cards sign RP Russ Springer to a 1-yr, $1.75M deal. Whatever.

- OF Jay Payton signs with Baltimore for 2-yr, $9.5M. This is slightly less than I predicted, but within 10% of my guess. We will take a short break while I pat myself on the back.

- SP Jason Marquis [snicker] has reportedly signed [mmph] with the Cubs for 3 yr, $28M [ha ha ha ha ha hahahahahahaha]. I can only hope it's to help Lou Piniella steal signs or something from the World Champs (Lou grew up with La Russa so I'm sure it's not so Lou can learn what makes the man tick), because if they really signed that quack to solidify their rotation, oh boy. Of course with our luck Marquis will be 11-15 with a 4.67 ERA next season, but 4-0 with a 1.76 ERA against the Cards.

The Cards now have a real glut of relief pitching - everyone from 2006 is back, and Jocketty's added Rincon and Springer. Expect two of the relievers with starting pitching experience to move into the rotation. That definitely means Wainwright is the #3 or 4 starter next season (depending on where one believes Kip Wells fits).

But who's the other guy?

Brad Thompson? Drafted as a starter, switched to RP to get to the big club faster, had a great 2005 out of the pen but was spectacularly hittable last season.

Jorge Sosa? He gave up 30 HR in 79 IP last year. He'd probably spend most of the season on the DL with neck spasms from watching the ball rapidly leave the yard.

Chris Narveson? 1 ML start (lost @ Houston 22 Sep) in place of Mark Mulder. Hell let the kid compete for the #5 spot in spring training, let's see what he's got.

Braden Looper? [cough]......... Sorry I just choked on a piece of cake. I'll be alright in a minute. What were we talking about? Oh, yeah.

So, that leaves the Cardinals with a starting staff comprised of one proven winner, one (possibly two) reclamation projects, one enigma, and one (possibly two) guys embarking on their maiden season as a full-time starter in the bigs. Eighty-three wins might be a victory for this group.

C'mon Jeff Weaver - listen to the voice in your head instead of the Scott Boras devil on your shoulder. Re-sign.

And how bad has it gotten that I'm rooting for JEFF WEAVER to re-up with the club?

A Defense of Big Mac

Based on all the hand-wringing the BBWAA is doing, you'd think they were being asked to formulate a new policy for winning in Iraq. But no, they've been presented the 2007 Hall of Fame ballot. The cause of their angst?

Mark McGwire.

You see, writers, like most people, don't like being suckers. And for some reason, they feel like they were had by McGwire - and all this stems from the great HR chase of 1998. They fawned on McGwire and Sosa, told us how they'd saved the game after the 1994 strike by again sparking interest in baseball among a fan base mostly fed up with multi-millionaires bickering over money.

Then a container of androstenedione, a body-building supplement that is completely legal, was seen in his locker, and whispers of steroid abuse started. Circumstantial evidence (Jose Canseco's book, McGwire's 'testimony' before the Senate Committee) have 'proven' to these journalists that Mark is guilty. So the jealous high-school girl came out of them, demanding they exact some measure of revenge.

That's why McGwire didn't win the MVP in 1998 (dressed up as his team didn't make the playoffs). And that's why we've seen a proliferation of stories in national media from guys with votes who say they won't elect McGwire to the hall. They want to send a 'Statement'. Remember, this is the same organization that didn't vote Ted Williams (arguably the greatest hitter who ever dug in) into the Hall on his first ballot because he was 'mean to the media'.

Which. Pisses. Me. Off.

You want make a 'Statement'? Let's start here. Work to indict these people with malicious negligence and conduct detrimental to the game:

1. Donald Fehr, Bud Selig, Fay Vincent, Bartlett Giamatti - the men entrusted with running the league who allowed steroid abuse to start and fester.
2. All those team employees in positions of authority and responsibility (managers and GMs) who knew about the steroid abuse and DID NOTHING TO STOP IT.

Have the following personnel brought up on manslaughter charges: Those who employed Ken Caminiti and allowed him to abuse his body with steroids, which indirectly led to his death.

Work to remove the MVP awards for players 'suspected' to have used steroids (Bonds, Caminiti, Sosa, Tejada, Juan Gonzalez, da-da da-da da-da). Hell, if we're going to pick on McGwire based on circumstantial evidence, let's pick on everyone.

But no, it's so much easier to crucify McGwire.

You say this is a moral issue? McGwire 'violated the trust of the game'? Fine. Then I expect the organization to work with the HOF and remove those already ensrined people who exemplified low moral fiber. Here's a short list:

Babe Ruth (alcoholic and womanizer), Cap Anson (Racist), Ty Cobb (Racist), Fergie Jenkins (Pothead), Orlando Cepeda (Pothead), Grover Cleveland Alexander (alcoholic), Rogers Hornsby (curmudgeon), John McGraw (curmudgeon), Reggie Jackson (general principle).

But no, we can't do that - they deserve to be there based on their STATISTICS, right?

May I remind you of some pertinent facts on Mark McGwire:

1987 ROY
12-time All Star (1987-1992; 1995-2000)
Finished in top 6 for MVP 4 times (1987 6th; 1992 4th; 1998 2nd; 1999 5th).
3-time Silver Slugger Award (1992, 1996, 1998).
Gold Glove (1990)
583 Career HR.
Single season HR record holder (1998-2001).

Those look like HOF numbers to me.

Mark is also made of sterner stuff than those folks listed above. McGwire donated $3 Million dollars of his 2001 contract extension to 'start a foundation to aid abused and neglected children'. He will not participate in any autograph enterprise where he charges people money to get his autograph. AND, when called in front of the 'green table' (Navy slang for Captain's Mast), he refused to incriminate himself (oh yeah, that's a protection guaranteed by the Fifth Amendment), but did so without lying (unlike Rafael Palmerio).

How can you not vote this man in?

2007 Free Agency Preview - Part 4 (Pitching)

I'm exhausted, I've had family here all weekend from out of town, I'm not sleeping, so I'll have to keep this short.

First, news of the day: Carpenter signs a 5 year extension for $65M. That's $13M a year, folks, starting next season.


I'm downright giddy. One of the few aces in the NL and an actual competitor on the mound will remain a Cardinal for the balance of his career. Good Move, Walt Jocketty!

I was afraid the Cardinals would skimp on starters because they didn't want the new pitcher to make more than Chris, who's base salary was to top out $7M this season. Looks like that's no longer a concern.

Let's break this down into Relievers and Starters:

Relievers: Stay with the group used at the end of the season. Rincon will be an addition, coming off a major injury and rehab. The only question is what to do with Adam Wainwright? For now, he needs to remain in the mix as the closer. I know all the reports state Izzy is ahead of schedule, but I don't believe it's prudent to plan based on reports and what Izzy is saying. Wainwright stays the closer through the start of spring training. No other changes are needed.

Starters: Carp, Reyes, Wells fill 3 of the 5 slots. Still need 2. Options:
a. Re-sign Mark Mulder. I've been saying this for a while now. Mark is damaged goods, and not projected to be MLB ready until July. He should be looking at next year as a 'prove I can pitch at the level of my pre-2006 stats' season and then make big money on the open market later. I'd sign him to a incentive laden deal with a 2008 option (because as Jocketty says, we don't want to go through the pain of rehabbing a guy and then get very little in return on that investment as an organization), say $4M this season with an option for $9M next year. Just throwing numbers out there.
b. Sign Jeff Weaver. Things going for StL in this discussion: (a) pulled him off the scrap heap and saved his career; (b) obviously working with Dave Duncan has helped his mechanics and confidence AND there seems to be a genuine rapport there; (c) he's a competitor and will rise to the occasion; (d) he has stated he'd like to stay in StL. Things going against StL: Scott Boras is his agent. Now if I were a player I'd loooovve to have Scott as my agent - he has a demonstrated knack for negotiating large contracts for his top tier clients. If I were a GM, well, let's say seeing him dive off a cliff near Big Sur in a spectacular one-car accident wouldn't break my heart. The problem is how much money will Weaver command/demand, especially in a market where Adam friggin Eaton is worth EIGHT MILLION DOLLARS a season: $10M? $11M? Cardinals can't afford him at that price. Hopefully (a) through (d) will tip the scales toward a, let's say, 3-yr deal at $7M/$8M/$10M (so $25M).
c. Promote from within. Isn't there ANYBODY else in the farm system close to being ready to pitch in the majors? (crickets chirping)
d. Sign one of the following. Since the last item is probably wishful thinking, I'd target one of the following 3 pitchers, all reasonably young, all with WHIP at or below Marquis' level: Tony Armas, Tomo Ohka, or Mark Redman. All pitched capably for awful (Nationals and Royals) teams. Jocketty could probably get them to sign for Kip Wells type money for one year. Look at it this way: They're a stop-gap until Mulder is ready to return.

Updating our running salary amount.

Start: $75.45M
Add: Wells ($4M), Kennedy ($2.5M), Bennett ($0.9M), Spiezio ($2.25M), Carp (add'l $6M), Projected Mulder ($4M), Weaver ($7M), and one of the 3 amigos ($4M) Equals $30.65M.

Total (19 players): $106.1M

The final free agent post will look at the bench.

UPDATE 12/5: I was slightly off on the value of Carp's contract. I'll default to Cot's on this one as far as how much he's making next season, so I'll adjust his number down from $13M to $8.5M. That reduces our bottom line by $4.5M to $101.6M.