Golden Ticket

There appears to be solid evidence that Reggie Bush and his family were the recipients of gifts while he was matriculating at USC. He could be stripped of his Heisman Trophy and USC could be forced to renounce their 2004 National Championship.

For all you holier-than-thou-types out there who think that the last sentence would be a just result, fuck you.

There are few people in the world who despise Southern Cal football more than I do. Just ask my brother-in-law. Go Bruins. But, the chance that Bush could be punished for this is hypocrisy at it's most blatant.

Ever been to Helix High? It's not the nicest place to attend school. Its student body does not come from the same means as those attending The Bishop's School or Francis Parker, two affluent schools in the San Diego area. Now imagine your family is barely scraping by. Imagine your family has debt. Imagine you happen to get the Willy Wonka Chocolate Bar with the Golden Ticket in it. That's probably what Reggie's athletic talent seemed like to his family.

Ain't no way Reggie can afford to go to USC as a regular schmoe like the rest of us. His athletic prowess opened this door; a door to opportunity most of us can only dream about.

It also gave a portal for those who I'm sure will be sentenced to the Eighth Circle of Hell when they die - the SPORTS AGENT. Out of the muddy puddle of excrement (Thank you KSK) come people with no souls, promising the world, spinning fantastic tales of untold riches to be had, if ONLY YOU SIGN here.

You know what his parents said? PROVE IT. Show us you're REALLY interested. Not the most altruistic thing they could have done, but can you blame them? A chance to hedge the bet that Reggie would make it to the NFL draft without a serious injury derailing his train.

Tell me you wouldn't have done the same thing. You wouldn't? You're a fucking liar.

NOW....

(1) You CAN'T convince me that USC's football coaching staff didn't know this was going on. Somebody knew. Somebody familiar with the NCAA's rules on eligibility. Yet they appear to have made no effort to counsel Reggie Bush on the potential consequences of his, and his immediate family's, actions. For this, they should get a gigantic dick in the ass.

(2) This is 2006. Someone needs to explain to me HOW forcing USC to renounce their 2004 Nat'l Championship will set this right. It changes nothing - you can't go back in time and re-play all those games. You can't brainwash every American who gives a damn about college football into thinking USC didn't pulverize Oklahoma to win the Nat'l Championship. And why punish the kids who did follow the rules? Why tarnish what they worked hard to do? The Dar's right - it doesn't matter.

(3) The NCAA is, by far, the biggest waste of space in the non-US Government working world. Do they actually believe punishing USC for this offense will deter other people from doing it? They better change suppliers of their peyote, the current lot's lost its potency.

If you REALLY want to set this right, if you REALLY want to discourage this behavior by programs and agents, here's what you do:

First: Penalize the school by restricting the number of scholarships they can award for 4 years. Division I programs must have 76.5 players under scholarship, and can carry a max of 85. Cut that number to 40 and 50. That's 10 scholarships per year. That's at least 5 years of suck for the offending program.

Second: Ban the agents who provide the payments. Rescind their licenses. FOR EVER. If its an overzealous booster that causes the violation, send him to JAIL for BRIBERY. Or extortion. Or for looking at the cop the wrong way. Whatever.

Third: PAY these athletes to perform. Division I football is a minor league for the NFL/CFL/WFL anyway. However, that's a subject for a future rant.

The NCAA won't do any of that, of course. They'll strip USC of its championship and Bush of his Heismann, and then sit around scratching their heads when this problem pops up at the next program.