It's the Opening Day Extravaganza!

Cardinals! Rockies! Wainwright vs Francis! Yipee!

(Insert photo of ominous cloud cover above Busch here)

So I'm stuck at work and can't watch the game. Which is OK, because it's not being telecast nationally anyway. Something about the Cardinals not being very good this year. Over to sportsline.com for the streaming gamecast. Why the CBS website? Because it also hosts my fantasy league. I know, I know - nobody cares about my fantasy league, but I do, so their site is an obvious choice over ESPN.

Game starts. I'm late seeing it due to meetings. By the time I get back to the computer, it's 1-0 Rockies and Wainwright had to wriggle out of a bases loaded jam. Oh, boy.

You know how 'you can tell how the season will go by the first hitter'? (thanks, Harry Doyle) Well, Schumacker walks.

On 4 pitches. The rest of your first inning:

Ludwick: Ball, Ball, Ball, Ball (Schumacker to second)
Pujols: Ball, Ball, Strike Swinging, Flies out to deep left (remember, I'm watching this on the computer, so I envision the Rockies LF (Holliday?) crashing into the wall to prevent a 3-run HR).
Glaus: Ball, Ball, Ball, Ball (Schumacker to third, Ludwick to second).

(Anticipation rising)

Ankiel: Ball, Ball.....

Waiting for update......

Tired of waiting, hit manual refresh.....

Score updates: 4-1, Cardinals, then freezes. Crap. What happened?

My ISP picks this exact moment to shit itself. Fantastic. What the hell happened?

Luckily, there's another Cards fan in the building - and he has MLB TV at his desk. Stop by to chat. His computer is running slow, too. He tries to pull up the box score...and it won't come up.

God Damnit.

Eventually, we discover that Ankiel has a hit and 2 RBI, and Molina has a hit and 2 RBI. I assume that Ankiel doubled in 2, and Molina singled in the other 2. Correct.

Pujols hits his first in the second. 5-1 Cardinals. I tell my friend, watch, the game will get rained out now.

Damn jinx.

So we'll try again to kick off the season tomorrow at 6:15 PDT.

**********

Have to share this story. There's a new Tiger Woods gatorade out, and the ad campaign shows him hitting a golf ball on the moon. That leads to this exchange:

Me: (groans) "Jeez, now he has a sports drink? What's next, Tiger Woods Condoms?"
Mrs. Rant: (stunned silence, then rolls eyes) "That's disgusting."
Me: "Think about it: Men want to be him, and women want to be with him. Now you can! Tiger Woods Condoms!"
Mrs. Rant: (leaves the room)

I feel you need to know about this. Especially if, sometime soon, there are Tiger Woods Condoms. Note I didn't touch the obvious pun on his last name.